10 Ways to Love Others

I started in on a massive perfectionist’s list of resolutions full of well-intentioned and optimistic promises to myself for what I would like to think will make me happier, make me feel more accomplished, make everything easy again. Then I came across this little nugget. I may sound a bit naive in saying so, but I think this might be the only list of resolutions I’ll ever need. Number 10 hits it right on the nose. Thanks for sharing Caits!

1. Tell them about their brilliance. They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.

2. Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship. Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.

3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.” Meditate, write, or do yoga to work through anxiety, resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those negative moods to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, but be mindful: don’t pollute.

4. Listen, listen, listen. Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.

5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different.  Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.

6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them. 

7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself. Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.

8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself. Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.

9. Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.

10. If you want to keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life, accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love, or a call for love.

(via caitsmeissner)

it’s that time of year again! traditionally served on new year’s day in celebration of haiti’s independence, soup joumou is a popular and very delicious holiday dish. on january 1, 1804, newly freed slaves consumed the once forbidden dish after running the french off the island and claiming their independence. in my house, half the day is spent in the kitchen and only the women cook. histories are shared, secrets revealed, stories passed on… it really is my favorite day of the year!

the thickness and mildly spicy taste of this vivid, flavorful stew is perfect for warming the bones in the middle of winter. soup joumou is made from pumpkin or yellow squash and often contains meat (beef or pork), hearty autumn veggies, vermicelli, and little doughy soup dumplings called domnbwey. domnbwey is an easy project for kids who want in on the fun of cooking too! i’ve included the simple recipe for domnbwey at the bottom of this post. enjoy and happy new year!

SOUP JOUMOU
ingredients:
• 1 lb beef neck or oxtail
• 1/2 lemon
• fine sea salt
• crushed black pepper
• water (enough to cover meat; more water may be added later to adjust consistency)
• 2 lbs pumpkin, peeled & cubbed (alternately, use canned pumpkin)
• 1 small onion, diced
• 2 scallion stems, chopped
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 leek, chopped
• a small bunch fresh flat leaf parsley (about 3 sprigs), minced
• a small bunch fresh thyme (about 3 sprigs), minced
• a hearty bushel of spinach
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped
• 3 celery stalks, chopped
• 1/2 head of green cabbage, chopped
• 6 small potatoes, peeled & cubed
• 3 large carrots, chopped
•1/2 tsp nutmeg
• 1 tsp hot pepper (add more if you like more heat)
• 1/4 lb vermicelli pasta or macaroni
• domnbwey (soup dumplings)

directions:
in a bowl, clean meat with lemon and hot water, then season with salt and pepper. chop into cubes and marinate meat in onions, scallions, garlic, parsley and thyme. refrigerate covered overnight (alternatively, if making same day, set aside for one to two hours). 

in a small saucepan half filled with water (maybe 2 cups), cook pumpkin until tender, about 30 minutes. mash/puree pumpkin in pot.

in a stockpot, cover and cook meat with 1 cup water over low heat for 30 minutes. add pureed pumpkin (add additional cup of water if necessary) and bring to boil for about 30 minutes. add spinach, bell pepper, celery, cabbage, potatoes, carrots, nutmeg and hot pepper. cook uncovered for 20 minutes. add pasta and dumplings. cook covered for 10 minutes. add sea salt and black pepper to taste. 

serve hot with buttered haitian or french bread.

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DOMNBWEY
haitian soup dumplings are soft, chewy and take on the rich spicy flavor of your soup joumou. to ensure they don’t get too tough, add dumplings about ten minutes before soup is finished cooking. this is a fun and simple project for kid chefs!

ingredients:
• 3 cups white flour
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1 cup water 

directions:
in a bowl, combine ingredients and kneed until lumps are gone. hand mold into round or oblong balls, then spoon into boiling soup and cook until more or less solid (about 10 minutes). that’s it! 

(Source: laeticia)

Get Yourself Motivated and Ready For 2012

6. Act with a higher purpose. Any activity or action that doesn’t serve your higher goal is wasted effort–and should be avoided.

7. Take responsibility for your own results. If you blame (or credit) luck, fate or divine intervention, you’ll always have an excuse.

8. Stretch past your limits on a daily basis. Walking the old, familiar paths is how you grow old. Stretching makes you grow and evolve.

13. Treat inaction as the only real failure. If you don’t take action, you fail by default and can’t even learn from the experience.

(Source: whoisbrass)

1) be a better friend. i think i’ve gotten better, unfortunately this has been tested in the most extreme ways because all of my dearest friends have moved on or moved away, making me question myself and my expression of friendship. i keep telling myself that time and distance don’t make or break true friendships, but i do still really miss my homies. and i would do anything to go back in time and take more advantage of the time i had with my peoples.

2) get my driver’s license. close. i got a permit. and then i started the driving classes and then i simply stopped going. my schedule filled up and i started devoting my time to other pressing things like the gmat and efrem’s birthday and now i’m nowhere with it.

3) create something daily. this was an impossibly ambitious resolution from the moment i uttered it. i barely have time to eat three square meals daily. i wasn’t sure what or how i was going to make this work, but i put it out there and after about a week of making barely anything, i simply gave up. i’d like to revise and revisit this one though. i think with some guidance and a bit of planning, it could be a good meditative practice for me.

4) skip the gigs, find a career. for this, i’ve made progress. i did in fact skip the one off shows and the non-paying gigs, which meant i didn’t dance at all this year, unfortunately. on the flip side, i do believe i’ve found my passion in international finance and microeconomics. i did poorly on the gmats and subsequently didn’t get into the school i applied for, but i’m not giving up just yet. i just need a plan and a light under my bottom.

5) a huge, voluminous, illustrious mane. at least i got one thing right this year. i’ve been taking my vitamins and (mostly) keeping up with my regimen and the results are rewarding. my hair is big. it swings and bounces. it glows as it should. and i’m very happy with it.